what if,

what if i fail?
what if i fail being a daughter that my mum always wanted?
what if i am just too lazy to get my head on the books?
what if i cant make my mum proud?
what if i cant do it next year?
what if i cant do it in my spm?
what if i cant focus on my studies?
what if i am just not smart, and i just cant do it?!
what if all of the people i love wont love me back?
what if the 'person' i love wont love me back?
what if i just die?

or maybe..

what if i just give up?

i've been spending my time crying inside and out. I just dont know who to go to. its like everyone is busy with their stuffs. with all the studies..i mean, i cant do it. and ive been asking all of the 'what ifs' to myself lately. it has been hard for me, and i just dont know how to face this things. i dont know. i'm just....scared. im scared of dealing stuff like this. i'm scared to fall. but i dont know who to fall in to. its been hard, and i dont think anyone would like to hear this sad story. god. why can't life be much easier? im scared. i dont know why. im just scared of what is going to happen next. noone is telling me where to go, which path to choose. its like i am in my own ship, my own world. i have disappointed my mum, and i dont want to disappoint her again. i tried and tried to study, but with all the noises. im sorry. i cant. i really need to hug someone, and i wish the person will be here beside me. i hugged my little cousin 2 days ago, buts its not enough. i need it, badly. god. i tried to be stronger, the strong lisa that people know. but im getting weaker and weaker day by day. i have no one to stand myself up. i know, yes i do have friends. best friends. but sometimes, i am not worth their time. sometimes even if i do tell my problems to them, they...say. 'oh, i hope...' bla and bla and tried giving advices that i tried before and it does not work. i really appreciate them but, i just need a hug thats it, thats a key for me. yeah, again. cry lisa cry. be a baby.

bye