thoughts in my head
I sometimes wonder if people cared about me. sure they care, but do they truly care about me, like how i care about them? some flashbacks just struck into my head. and it keeps on playing and playing. i wonder why it kept on coming back? is it because..i cant let go of the past. but i'm sure i did. i did. trust me i did. but, every time i think about him and everything he used to do to me and when he was nicer before, but now he wouldnt even care about me, he wouldnt even look at me either, it sickens me. i dont know what i did. and i will die to know of what i did to him. i wish sometimes we can be friends again. but its too late, and there is no way that i could even be friends with him. i mean, spm is coming up, and i will die to say sorry to him. wait. i did say sorry to him millions of times. but, he dont response. why do you always keep me feeling guilty? when i dont know what my fault was. it was kind of stupid that sometimes i wonder to myself that you will eventually talk to me one day, and we will be friends, but i was wrong. it was nothing but a dream. you left me something alright, you left me a hole in my heart.
friends? i remember the day you left me. it was at night. and i am so not sure if you remember this, but someone else accompanied me, and it wasnt even you when i hoped that you'll be. you even left me the day you asked me to accompany you, and i took the chance because i want to spend time with you, but when everything went wrong you left me with people who i dont even recognise. i am not sure if you even notice. but is that what friends really do to each other? i dont think so. no is the answer. you always tell me that i am strong. you dont know how it feels to be left out, because you never were alone. i even sometimes wish that i was you. but i dont have all that. i am thankful with everything i got. eventhough i wish that sometimes it could be better. when it never did. but i kept wishing. and never stop wishing.
sometimes i wonder what can i really do? i am not good in anything. when people says that i am. i know i am not. i know that it is just a way to make me feel better. but its not working. i love to pretend to be happy and everything. i want to search the inner me. i love playing guitar, singing and doing physics and engineering drawing. i enjoy doing all those stuffs. but i am not good. that is the difference. i love doing it, but i am no good at it.
i remember the times when i was hoping to get 7a's and 1b in PMR but, i got 1a and 7bs. it was always the other way round. i worked really hard, but it wasnt enough. i know i am suppose to let it go. let bygones be bygones. but, sometimes, you cant. because you hoped to much. and i dont know if my fate will turn the same way in spm. it happens to me all the time. and i wish. just one time..only once..only a day. that i will be the luckiest girl.
am i unlucky? sheesh. okay, i am kind of being like one of the characters in disney channel's movie. lol. keep on dreaming lisa. PFFT!
i need a new fresh life. that is why i am working my hardest for myt spm. and the reason is.....
i want to get away from here.
