ive changed my blog , www.azaaaaa.blogspot.com :)
have you ever wondered that what you did in the past , some people , maybe not the people you might think , but still they , who thinks about what you did , or what they did , and probably what they should have done that could change the outcome , because it was not a pretty picture to remember forever .
it just goes to show that what you do affects the people around you , whether its intentional or not , it does to that affect , i have now realized that what i did to other people was far beyond what they deserved , i would really love it if i could take back time , change all the things i did wrong , but i cant , now i am in a state of regret .
here i would like to say , IM SORRY , truly whole-heartedly i am , for those who i did hurt , for those i have let down , for those that hate me , i am sorry , really i am , i am sorry because i cant be what everyone wishes , to be thin , to be smart , to be tall , dark or even handsome , i am sorry .
i know all of you have had your days , days like what i am having right now , days that make you feel down , like a failure , who did not made what we wished , i am having this day right now , a day whiched i regret what i have done in the past , i cant change it i know , thats why im writing right now . tc
i didnt have any much idea of what im doing for laneeO , all i knew is to put the name lanee O in there , the rest , as they say , is history .
my day today was not like the other days before this , but lets start from yesterday may you all understand completely on what im saying .
yesterday we made plans to play futsal at isf 15 , so when we arrived we saw that it was closed :O shocked, we went to frenzy , only to be dissapointed to know that it as fully booked for the night . so we went to section 11 instead , near the azlan sports .
as we reached there , we noticed that it was pitch dark , like really literally . so we checked and asked the guard there , turns out that there was a blackout , the whole block behind too got struck ,shit.
dejected and dissapointed , we went to plan B , everyone knows plan B , we went to none other than CC like always , played at STDN for about 2 hours or so , then we slept at afiq's , well me and khaz anyway . we ate lamb which we thought was good , but it wasnt -_- played winning for about 2 3 hours , then went to sleep , woke up at 12 or so , ate lunch at afiq's and went home .
but no , its not over yet , oh noo , we made new plans to pay futsal again , and this time , we booked , yes we did . so okay went home to shower and a quick nap , then off to frenzy , waiting patiently for other guys to come , we had to call them and ask for them to come , every single one of them -_-
soon after people came , around 9 people we played 5 on 4 , then 4 on 5 , it was tiriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing like hell ,heh . i just came from here and im tired , tonight im going to aizat aisar's open house then tommorow , sunway , woooo ahaha i love the holidays :)
HAPPY DEEPAVALI!
i see its clear , very clear right now , my run continues , and i dont even know how to stop it from happening . This keeps happening ,i learnt to cope with it , but honestly , i dont want to cope with it , this sucks , shit. i can only hope that something in the near future could change me , present me hasnt been a good friend to me , we'll see what future me holds , am keeping my heads high for what coming and hope its for the best . i know to all of you whom may read this seems weird that i talk like this and could not understand what am saying , but i just have to let my feelings out once in a while :)
today wasnt very pleasent for me , BM exam was today , me waking up to shower and pray seems so hard to do , but i did eventually , got dressed and went to school, skipped assembly by being in class , studied(hah) and had the exam , it was okay i guess , i crap alot , so yeah it was fine , just peachy .
after walking home from school i showered again and went to De with haikal bulu and arep , lunch . soon after me and arep went to afiq's for some mindless games , and we werent dissapointed for there was a computer and ps2 just ready to be clicked on .
after about 3 hours , around maghrib , went home and showered again , i shower alot actually haha , so anyways , went for dinner downstairs then played rubiks cube , until now , ive almost mastered completing it , it is quite addictive, you should try it :) toodles
Dear girl ,
I feel that the time has come for me to have a girlfriend . I know you're out there somewhere . Dont worry , ill find you . whether its intentional or not , however the surrounding will be , ill find you , and hope that you're searching for the same thing as i am .
And when i do find you , i hope you'll love me because im aza , not because im apai's , yameen's , or even amil's brother . I hope you wont be embarrassed when my clothes dont match , or be annoyed when i want to watch arsenal on ESPN , instead of the OC .i hope you remember that i play football , not basketball , and that i play offense , i cant play defense that often nor goallie , and that every weekend i like to go out to watch a movie .
i pray that you'll love me despite my tendency to forget birthdays , and if your parents invite to dinner , please right me their names really small on my hands so i can use it as reference . Please know that i will always act strong and in control , but inside i am actually lost and confused (just dont tell anyone) . Please dont worry for me if i fall or hurt myself while playing . Instead , be there to mend my wounds with kisses .
Understand this , loving each other means being together , but not all the time . We should never bail on our friends . Also understand that i may at times jelous and over protective , but only because i have insecurities and not because you are not doing anything wrong .
And if we fall out of love with one another , please dont hate me . and if i cry infront of you , please dont laugh at me . Please know that i am sensitive ... in a manly , tough kind of way . Please be honest with me without being hurtful . After all , i am a boy. And i promise to always be honest with you , because you deserve honesty . i promise to open doors for you and buy your tickets for movies when we go out .
No , youre not fat , so please dont constantly ask me if you look fat or not , and you dont need makeup either . dont be upset if you cut your hair i didnt notice , i will still love you in levi's and a t-shirt .
I hope you dont think i'm asking too much from you , i just want to be happy making you happy. Im coming to find you , so dont go anywhere .Stay wherever you are , whoever you are . And by the way , im Aza.
Yours always ,
Aza
today at school , was unexpected , seriously i didnt expect this would happen ;O
so okay after assembly we all went back to class as usual , idilea reading a book caught my attention , it was a Chicken Soup For the Soul , a book that i thought could make even a jock cry , i thought . i didnt think that id be interested in reading a book with such caliber , but something did caught my eyes . my attention was caught with a staggering look on my face .
i saw that she read a column in the book that was about what girls like in a guy , i asked idilea if i could borrow that book for a sec to check to see what girls dig in guys , i read , i smiled , i laughed , literally i did . but it was a good laugh , not because it was funny , but because i read that i could be like this guy , a guy that girls love , how we always would be embarrased to say i love you infront of our friends , i didnt think that girls notced that , i read that girls like guys more after seeing guys being confused after a girl was mad at him .
i didnt think that girls noticed anything about that though , then i thought , maybe girls really are aliens, HAHA okay kidding , but i was surprised nontheless , being impressed with the book that i thought was bad for me , i felt good reading that , then gave back the book to idilea and gave her the chance to read . after recess we had qatam quran's rehearsal , so we skipped physics(ho yeah) then after reaching home , i did what every guy wished not to .
i saw on a shelf upstairs that were 5 or 6 books of Chicken Soup For the Soul 0_0 my eyes deceived me , or did they not , i dont know . so then i browsed through the books and found a book for teens , i secretly and discretely took the book out of the shelf and went to my room quickly as possible . in my room , usually i would just go and open my laptop and then onlined until buka , but then again , i didnt .
i opened the book , i did and saw that they were many stories about what people are dealing with , there were categories in fact , there were about relationships , family , friends , and many more , i felt something inside me that i wished i hadnt , i felt sensitive (WHAT THE F**K) , or maybe that was just gas , haha i dont know .
i read through the relationship and this one story spoke to me , to not be afraid of what other people think , this story was about a 16 year old boy , who liked this girl name Susie Summers(name changed to protect the fantastic) okaaay so i thought . the story wasnt long and it wasnt short either , but good nontheless , this boy of 16 like this girl for a long time , she was great , her smile , which sparkled between two twinkling eyes , was electric and made people who received it feel very special(copy pasted from the book itself) .
while her physical beauty was astounding , her invisible beauty the boy remembered most , and will always remember .the book said that she really cared for others and was a talented listener , her sense of humour could brighten up your day and her wise words were exactly what you needed to hear , she was respected by both sexes , and she was extremely humble . She was every man's dream .
the boy will walk her to class everyday and once he even had lunch with her all by himself , he felt on top of the world . the boy figured that a girl this outstanding was dating someone far better than him , eventhought he was the president of the student body , he knew he couldnt stand a ghost of a chance , after graduation he said goodbye to his first big crush .
about a year later he met the girl's bestfriend , and had lunch together . with a lump in his throat , he asked how Susie was, her reply was unbelievable and the boy couldnt even speak , susie was in love with him , really was and the bestfriend told him that he was cruel to her by the way he led her on , always walking her to class and making her think that he was interested , eventhough he was .
Susie still remembers the time that they had lunch together and waited all night long for him to call her to ask her out , but he didnt . the boy was afraid of rejection and never risked letting her know how he really felt about her . the boy cried and soon after regretted that he didnt made that call , that call that wouldve made him the happiest guy on earth , what makes it worst is that he probably could have, but he didnt . the end .
i dont know about you guys , but i felt that i too am afraid of asking a girl out , it is scary , wondering what she would say and hoping that she likes you back , very stressfull , but i would like to know what she thought about me , so okay , done , enough ! this is too gay , shits -_-" should i post this ? haha babi la i dont know , whatever happens , happens .
so soon after that i slept and missed chemistry tuition class until buka , after buka i showered and prayed , at 9 i played a little street soccer with 5 other guys , it was a 3 on 3 game , other people didnt show up -_- it was tiring yet fulfilling , after that we went to DE for a while then went back home , hoping tommorow we wont have to study at school , haha , tc
today was fun , ho yes it was , after achieving to finish my LK final exam last thursday , being one of few who did , i felt good about myself , and i was about to celebrate it . i woke up today hoping that school wouldnt be so bad as it is every other day of the week , but my asumptions were of course wrong , during PE we played in class a whole lot and talk about girls , duh wawawa .
During recess though i had a challenge , a powerslide challenge . first up i challenged joe , he accepted with great pride(ceh) , i won by inches but he didnt admit it , i destroyed his dignity , haha hokay this time my knees were not so injured , the second battle was with zamir , i won by metres , haha only i rule , yeah i do . the game is actually between the sc1 class and ik1 , we have to run and after a certain line , then we have to powerslide until we stopped , judging was made with where our butts are located , haha
after that i just slept through agama and physics , then i had to walk back home after fendi left me haha , apala , reaching home i had to quickly shower and have to go to friday's prayer , so i went , walking again -_-" after prayer , afiq invited me over to watch harold and kumar's bla bla bla that new movie that they were in , so i accepted , but my flipflops were across the mosque and i had to run :/
after almost didnt made it , i made it back across to meet with afiq , just to get the message that afiq had already left because of reasons that his dad wanted to rush , rush what that i dont know , so i had to walk back home , again , feeling tired i didnt feel like going to afiq's and stayed home instead , onlined a bit and then just laid down on the bed , trying to sleep but i know i couldnt , i dont know why.
anxiously waiting for 5 o'clock , i watched a bit of tele , reaching 5 i went to the mall to meet up with zamir , bulu and fendi , we walked around the mall for a bit then decided that we were bored , haha . we all chipped in to buy a deck of cards that i kept until now , haha , anyways , with rm1 per person it wasnt that wasting after playing an hour at the fourth floor of the mall , it was dusty though , urrgggh i think there was a dead fly beside me 0_0
zamir thought me a new game , police , haha it was reaaaal fun , upon 6 o'clock we decided to put the game elsewhere , couldnt stand the dirty floor , yeah we did sat on the floor at that time . we went to pelita early just to save seats for the party that was coming to join , while waiting we played police , haha mamaks all around were curious and kept asking us to not gamble here , haha it was funny man .
we ate there after azan was heard , i ate a beef soup of somesort that was quite good to go with rice, yummm :9 the meal was rm7 , which leaves me with rm1 , haha after eating we played some more police at pelita until it was 9 or something , cant recall , but yeah time flies when your catching criminals(ceh) . after that we went to the arcade for some mindless non-thinkable fun, and we did have fun .
i used up my alst dollar on 2 tokens which i didnt use , yay -_-" , we played mostly photo hunt on the computer thingy , we reached the 20th level but didnt get the highscore , stupid game haha . after that afiq told us that he was going to pick us up to go round round , but he said he'd pick us up at khaz's , haih , so we walked , we i mean as me , ariff , aiman , azril , fendi , khaz , and bulu , ajib and zamir went home early , had to . aiman gave them a ride on his motor , i didnt dare , haha i was scared of aiman's motorcycling skills , still not confident enough to ride him for the second time , after the first time , ooo ill remember that time , didnt get hurt but yeah , memorable :o
we tried playing taiti in the middle of the street whilst waiting for afiq to come pick us up , but the guard was watching intently of what we were up to :/ haha oh well , afiq picked us up and sent fendi to anggerik mall to meet up with his gf , i dont know why he likes that place so much , bleargh :o after sending him we wanted to go to DE 11 , after reaching beside the restaurant we decided that we were too tired and went home , afiq sent me home then arep .
it was not the best day of my life or the best day of anyone's life , but it was still a good day to spend with your mates , playing cards and rounding shah alam , haha .
i havent been that much busy with activities thats why i did not post anything for almost this whole week , fasting is boring , during this holyness month of torture , i havent been going out much and i havent been all that giddy at home either , just sent my sister to the airport earlier , she's gone back to UK , i sent my eldest brother yesterday , so during raya it'll just be me , alone , shit . i dont really care much about my little brother haha(Y) , and he'll probably be hanging out with my other cousins that are the same age as him , lucky him.
the best part about this upcoming raya is that , i'll be the eldest relative there , wuuhuu -___-" i dont really use my phone that often anymore , just cause . i dont really have someone really to talk to , people are either busy or either making themselves unavailable for reasons that make not much sense at all , heh , you can feel my feeling esctatic ey ?
plus to that one , i got the news that khaz and kai might move to JB , now doesnt that jsut put the topping on the icing filled cake of death , life's changing minute by minute and i soon will have to cope with what will be changed , whether i like it or not , yeepeeyahoo . everything for me now seems to be falling apart , yet still seems allright , ironic.
we collect to save , but then we collect some more , and more , then we end up not using our money , we just spend a whole lot of time saving then using our money , aint that the shit .
another thing i have to get off my chest , ever wondered why people are always trying to make ways easier for us ? and escelator so that you dont have to use your energy to climb up the stairs , e-mail so that you dont have to go to the trouble by mailing a letter yourself , may things more you could do without .
these newfounded things are what makes people more lazy and more useless , soon maybe they will be robots for everyone to do what they want for nothing , while we just sitting in our couch watching tv , our robot fixes everything , cleans everthing , and even feeds us if we were hungry .
till forever we will be couch potatoes , aint that a pretty picture ? people never stop to think that they have enough stuff , people make things more easy , they say its easy , but really its a nicer word than lazy , we need exercise to suit our daily days on this godforsaken earth for one thing , to be a worthfull person inside and out .
we are always searching for money , we we work hard for it , we eventually will get what we deserve , when we have the money , we will use that money to make more money and soon we will be too busy getting money for use to make more money that we forget that we only need money for food , clothing , shelter , others are just greed talking , we should be thankful that we live in a house that makes us feel good , we can online , we can eat , we have pretty clothes , money aint a need , money is a want .
i would never want to be those people who work 12 hours a day just to have that fairly deserved pay-check , i would want to work less so that ill have time for myself , my family , my own doing , you know what they say , live life to love , love to live life , a slogan thats been in my mind for days and i finally get to spread it out :)
its better to have less money but enough for use , and not more than what we need .
forever they will be a tommorow ,
forever there will be a dream ,
for so ever how long dreams will last ,
dreams never die , but are forgotten .
how so ever people change ,
they will for the sake of others ,
how so ever others change ,
it makes you want to follow others .
you with your black skirts and ciggarettes ,
what makes you feel to do so ?
to hang out with the dumbs and jerks ,
and never will stop to see the snow .
however things change ,
for the worst or the better ,
you know i will be here ,
cheering for your bright sweater .
friends are what people want ,
friends are not ones that cheat ,
friends would not curse behind our front ,
and surely curse with our beats :)
